Because I don't feel like doing actual work...

I'm at work again, just passing the time and yet wishing that I could get up the motivation to get some things accomplished. I don't know why the last few weeks have been so hard, but I just can't get going. I need to finish applying for grad school so that I can start solidifying some plans for my "future"...yikes.

One more semester left. Sometimes I wonder if I'm going to make it, but I know that I will eventually. I just have to keep my head on school and not up in the clouds where it's been chillin' for awhile. Focus. Maybe.

A lot of things have changed for me this semester. It seems as though I've left the gay world and entered back into the straight one...which has been a major change. It's kind of easy to fall into weird stereotypical roles, and I'm trying very hard not to be overcome by them. Good thing I'm not much of a cook. I do miss going out with the gays...but it's mixed company these days and I don't want to make any of my friends feel uncomfortable. Anyway, she told me that I didn't have time for anyone and she did...so I guess she wins. I still see Clark sometimes and Alyssa every once in awhile, though, and that always makes my day a little brighter. If only there were more hours in a day...

I have high hopes for the next chapter, whenever it chooses to start. This one has been a little shaky, with quitting smoking, losing Grandma, and finding Joe. A lot of ups and downs, and I've definitely had moments of weakness. Those won't last forever, though, and I've learned to be patient and wait for the bumps to even out. They always do, eventually. It has been a long time since I've felt like I've been home, or had one, but I've realized that home doesn't have to be a place. It can be the people in your life who hold you steady when you feel like the entire world is lost in motion. I've got a couple of those people, and I wouldn't trade them for the world.